So Mike and I have had a whirlwind of emotions for about a week now. I don't really want to mention what it's about, but my thoughts, as are Mike's, I'm sure, are continually drawn to this amazing possibility! Every time I think about it my heart beats faster, my stomach is all fluttery, and no it's not my little girl, and I just get absolutely excited!
I have wrote my feelings in my personal journal, but I feel like writing them here as well. This is how emotional I am. And I know I'm not overly emotional because of my pregnancy. There is a difference. I can feel the difference. I feel as if I have grown miles and miles in my testimony for my Savior. He is absolutely amazing! Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much and always have what's best for us. When I ponder about such a big decision I'm always excited first, but then I can think too much and get scared. Always in the end though, I feel more excited than any other feeling. I know something is going to happen. We're still not quite sure, but something will happen and He is preparing this way for us. He is telling us as one what we need to know, where we need to go, and eventually how it will all play out. His love for us is infinite. He loves each of us individually. He knows our wants and our needs and He knows what road we need to go down. I know it doesn't always seem the best to us, but our Heavenly Father knows everything. He will not lead us down an unhappy road, but will always lead us to a safe harbor. I've felt this more and more this past week. I try so hard to go on with my day and just lose my thoughts in what I'm doing, but it's at these moments, when Sam is napping, that it constantly enters my mind. And when that happens I feel such love and such peace. I then turn my thoughts to how thankful I am to have a loving Father in Heaven. I feel so blessed!
Of course, what happens when days keep going by and you just keep thinking about it? First thought, doubt. Second thought, even more doubt. Today that was happening to me. I was beginning to think have I been playing this whole thing up? Have I been feeling what I want to feel and in turn thinking it was the Spirit testifying it to me? Many other thoughts have crept their way in, but I started reading this book called "The Peacegiver." Again those warm, peaceful, excited feelings came right back to the surface. I thought that immediately I would again doubt, but how could I? This is truly coming from Him. He wants me to know. He wants me to be prepared. I have to wait and just keep trusting. How easy it is to doubt. How easy it is to succomb to such thoughts, but always in the end if our hearts are in the right place then we will know.
I truly trust in my Savior and Father in Heaven that They are guiding me and my little family to what is best for us. It will be scary and it will be hard, but it will be so worth it as well. We will be joyful and will grow closer together as a family. I'm very grateful for this past week with how much I've grown spiritually and with how much already our family is growing together. Even if we don't get what we want in the end, I know that our Father in Heaven will always give and lead us to what we truly need and in turn will help us realize it was what we always wanted.
